Donald Trump's Letter to Santa Claus
Policy + Politics

Donald Trump's Letter to Santa Claus

Mark Wilson/Getty Images


Text of the letter:


I’ve got an offer for you, and if I’m right – which I always am – you won’t be able to refuse it. Why don’t you come work for me? Forget all the whiny losers who are always asking you for things. I don’t need anything from you. I’ve already got the best properties in the world, the most popular show on television, and millions of adoring fans. And, of course, I have perfect hair.

I’ve got a spot open on The Celebrity Apprentice, and you could be just the guy to fill it – if you lose a few pounds. Together, we could make the show and my business empire even bigger, if that’s possible. And if you do your job well, you’d get to be right by my side as I rescue this country from that arrogant fool in the White House. Come work for me and I’ll show you how to maximize your milk and cookies and grow your net worth. It’s the right way. My way.

Here’s what you’ll get as my apprentice:

  • One word: Class.
  • A new list for deliveries, 99 percent shorter than your old one.
  • I’m sure Mrs. Claus is lovely, but she’s no supermodel. I can introduce you to some terrific young ladies.
  • Your very own penthouse at the Trump World Tower, one of the most luxurious residential buildings in the world. For you, I’ll only charge $20,000 a month.
  • Forget the reindeer. I travel in style. Have you ever been on a Gulfstream V?

Donald J. Trump