December 21, 2011
Text of the letter:
I'll bet you're sick and tired of hearing from us Bachmanns. To lighten your load, my 23 foster children and our own 5 kids have taken a "No Toy Pledge." (Never mind that all of them are over 17 years of age.) Santa, even though you're a Democrat, I think you have a blue-dog sensibility and want to see a true conservative like me take the helm of the U.S. sleigh — not Newt Romney.
So there are a few things you can do that will help make that happen.
- As you know, swine flu tends to break out under Democratic presidents like Barack Carter, so I'd like a one-year supply of the vaccine to stave off infection.
- Speaking of vaccines, everyone knows that the HPV vaccine can cause mental retardation, so Rick Paul should get coal in his stocking this year, don't you think?
- A pull-down map of the United States. Are Lexington and Concord in New Hampshire or Massachusetts?
- A copy of Who's Who in America so I can figure out why people were so upset that I mixed up John Wayne and John Wayne Gacy (whoever that is).
- Finally, a poster of the Mad Hatter's Tea Party.