First Sharknado. Now “Congress-nado.”
Policy + Politics

First Sharknado. Now “Congress-nado.”

The Asylum/The Fiscal Times

Twitter is abuzz about arguably one of the dumbest science-fiction movies in memory, “Sharknado” – the thrilling saga of what happens when a giant hurricane hits Los Angeles and spawns killer tornados full of killer sharks.

The “mockbuster” made-for-tv movie premiered Thursday night on the SyFy channel – written by Thunder Levin and starring Tara Reid and Ian Ziering. It gave rise to a tidal wave of frenetic chatter on Twitter that, according to one blogger, rivaled the recent volume of discussion following the Asiana 214 plane crash at San Francisco International Airport.

As tidal waves come crashing down on LA, shocked and disbelieving Americans fight back as best they can, with shotguns, pistols, harpoons, and a bomb-laden helicopter --even a chain saw.

Yet an equally momentous drama was playing out on Capitol Hill yesterday that, with a little imagination, could easily lend itself to a compelling sci-fi movie.

Following months of festering controversy over the Republicans’ use of the filibuster to block many of President Obama’s nominees to the executive branch, the scrappy Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., threatened to unleash a “nuclear option” to ram through nominations.

Reid plans to change long standing Senate rules so that it would take a simple 51-vote majority to cut off debate and pass the president’s nominees, instead of the current 60 votes. But Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky has warned repeatedly it would mean all-out war if Reid made good on his threat.

And just as the civil war in Syria has touched off conflict and carnage throughout the Middle East, a civil war between Republicans and Democrats in the Senate would quickly spread to the House, where the two parties are already bitterly clashing over everything from the farm bill and food stamps to immigration reform, the IRS and Justice Department, and budget sequestration.

In short, Reid’s threatened nuclear option would trigger an unthinkable “Congressnado” wreaking havoc across the political landscape.  Here are just a few possible scenes from this Washington thriller:

The movie opens on the floor of the Senate, with Reid and McConnell dressed as sumo wrestlers, locked in mortal conflict with their eyeglasses flying across the room. “How dare you defile the cloture rule!” McConnell shouts in his southern drawl. “This place doesn’t work anymore, and it’s your damn fault” Reid replies. The galleries above are brimming with Tea Party members and liberal Democrats, banging each other over the heads with toy gavels.

Meanwhile down Pennsylvania Avenue, beleaguered Attorney General Eric Holder and his deputies stand guard on the roof of the Justice Department as a massive Republican shark attack ensues. A killer shark with the head of Rep. Darrell Issa of California and huge menacing jaws is headed for Holder just as the attorney general pulls the trigger on his surface to air missile launcher.  “Hey, Darrell, if you didn’t like Operation Fast and Furious, you’re sure not going to like this.”

In an effort to rally support for immigration reform, President Obama leads a million-man march of Hispanics chanting "Si se puede" on the Capitol. Little does he know that House Speaker John Boehner (R-Oh.) has rerouted a runway train filled with Canadian chemicals to the Capitol. His goal is to vaporize conservatives within his own party in the hopes that something - anything - will get done this term. Obama escapes to Chicago using the presidential jet pack, promptly declares "I give up," then joins a pickup basketball game with special guest stars Joakim Noah and Derrick Rose.

Two people are safe from Boehner's nefarious plan. Republican Sens. Ted Cruz and John McCain have retreated back to the Southwest to ready for an epic battle. Cruz, the young Texas gunslinger, vs. McCain, the old fighter pilot that still has some gas in the tank. Winner gets New Mexico.

All of this fighting at home has drawn attention away from developing events overseas. NSA leaker and computer wonder boy Edward Snowden is trying to team up with ex-KGB spook Vladimir Putin. If the Internet goes dark today, we'll all know why.