The 2016 Oscar Nominees' Worst Movies
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (Paramount Pictures, Steven Speilberg, 2008)
Cate is one of our finest actresses and almost always the best part of a movie, even a bad one. This train wreck is the ultimate example. Her KGB agent is basically the only thing worth watching in an otherwise monumentally disappointing movie.
Don Jon (Voltage Pictures, Joseph Gordon Levitt, 2013)
Joseph Gordon Levitt had earned a lot of goodwill in Hollywood, pulling off the difficult transition from child actor (child television actor at that) to a bona fide movie star who could shine in blockbusters and art films alike. Directing may have been a step too far. This self-indulgent film about a New Jersey playboy bro (complete with cringe-worthy accent) finding love did no one any favors, least of all the talented Larson.
The Beaver (Summit Entertainment, Jodie Foster, 2011)
Lawrence’s talent and appeal was clear even before she emerged as a Hollywood superstar, but there was just nothing she could do to rescue this Jodie Foster project, in which Mel Gibson plays a man who communicates using a beaver puppet. Again: Mel Gibson, beaver puppet. So let’s move on.
Basic Instinct 2 (MGM, Michael Caton-Jones, 2006)
I had actually forgotten that this happened. This happened. They made a sequel to Basic Instinct….in 2006, 14 years after the original. Apparently, Charlotte Rampling was in it. Rampling has certainly stuck her foot in her mouth in this Oscar campaign, but she has been in some amazing films (Angel Heart, The Verdict, Swimming Pool). Basic Instinct 2 is not one of them.
The Lovely Bones (Dreamworks, Peter Jackson, 2009)
Some movies are doomed to awfulness from their inception. Some movies are doomed by the inexperience of a director whose reach exceeds his grasp. And some just don’t work. Peter Jackson, after his first epic crawl through Middle Earth, decided to return to the magic realism and true crime mix that he had executed to perfection with Heavenly Creatures. And it just didn’t work. No blame should fall on Ronan, but this is unquestionably the blemish on a solid filmography.
Total Recall (Sony Pictures, Len Wiseman, 2012)
A Total Recall remake could have been awesome. Bryan Cranston stepping into Ronnie Cox’s shoes as the air-monger Cohaagen could have been great. Instead, absolutely nothing about this incoherent and pointless remake was worthy of the original.
Stuck on You (20th Century Fox, The Farrelly Bros, 2003)
Remember this? When Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear made a comedy where they played conjoined twins? Oh good, so it wasn’t a fever dream.
Celebrity (Magnolia Productions, Woody Allen, 1998)
Woody Allen had one of his mini-revivals in the mid-90s, but that would all come crashing to earth with this black and white bit of navel-gazing. Leo actually does ok, riffing on his image at the time as both a gifted actor and an over-amorous enfant terrible but still, for an actor who has been scrupulously careful in his selection of roles, this one stands out as the black mark.
Jonah Hex (Warner Bros, Jimmy Hayward, 2010)
Fassbender spent a solid decade taking substandard character roles in Hollywood and London before landing his breaks in Inglorious Basterds and Shame. Among the wreckage is this comic book movie about an undead cowboy hero.
Jupiter Ascending (Warner Bros, The Wachowskis, 2015)
It remains amazing that Eddie Redmayne was nominated for the Best Actor Oscar he would eventually win in the same week this hunk of incoherent space gibberish was unleashed on the public. In a movie in which Channing Tatum plays a flying cat-man, Redmayne still managed to be the single worst thing on screen.
Backdraft (Imagine Entertainment, Ron Howard, 1991)
Since her breakthrough role in the seminal Fast Times at Ridgemont High, JJL has been one of Hollywood’s most intelligent and independent actresses. You won’t find a true disaster in her filmography, but this cheesy Ron Howard ode to firemen, one of the few times she took a “token girlfriend” role, definitely sticks out.
Pan (Warner Bros, Joe Wright, 2015)
Even though it was released less than six months ago, this film has largely faded from the collective memory, and I’m sure Mara (and Hugh Jackman) are perfectly fine with that. Most of the press around the film centered around the casting of the (extremely) white Mara as a Native-American, but even beyond the PC reasons, this movie was ill-conceived, poorly executed and now a permanent resident in the graveyard of flops.
The Hot Chick (Touchstone Pictures, Tom Brady, 2002)
Had Lindsey Lohan not bristled at the idea of being typecast as a “Mean Girl,” things might have turned out much differently for McAdams, who landed the role of Regina George and went on from there to become one of Hollywood’s top actresses. If Lohan hadn’t given up that juicy role, there’s a chance McAdams might only have been remembered as a sorority sister in one of the worst of Rob Schneider’s comedies (and that truly is saying something).
The Fifth Estate (Dreamworks SKG, Bill Condon, 2013)
With young actors, particularly those whose first roles were in prestige pictures, it can be a little difficult to find a truly awful movie. This inert and pointless attempt to bring the Wikileaks drama to the big screen (with Benedict Cumberbatch as Julian Assange), isn’t an awful movie…but it’s certainly not good.
Kate Winslet
Movie 43 (Relativity Media, Elizabeth Banks and Steven Brill, 2013)
Winslet is well on her way to being a Gen-X Meryl Streep with yet another nomination under her belt (though there is some question of why she was nominated for this particular underwhelming performance), but her usual good taste did not stop her from appearing in the infamous disaster that was Movie 43. She had proven she could work wonderfully blue, and was hardly alone as an otherwise “respectable actor” who should not have been in this movie, but it still stands out on an otherwise solid resume.
Exodus: Gods and Kings (20th Century Fox, Ridley Scott, 2014)
It is entirely possible that 20 years down the road, we’ll look at this film and cut it the same slack that we do, say, the Indians in a John Ford film, or anyone in The Ten Commandments for that matter, as somewhat forgivable mistakes of a less enlightened era. Or it may be one of the last examples of this kind of casting. Either way, the furor over casting white British actors as Egyptians and Israelites overshadowed the film. But hey, if you wanna see a Welshman named Christian play Moses, here you go.
This Means War (20th Century Fox, McG, 2012)
Speaking of stupid…it seems unfathomable that Tom Hardy, Chris Pine and Reese Witherspoon — all usually intelligent actors — said, “Hey, how about a comedy where two government agents abuse their powers to stalk a young woman?” And yet, this got made.
54 (Miramax, Mark Christopher, 1998)
Mike Myers ill-fated attempt at a dramatic role took the late 90’s obsession with the late ‘70s, dramatized in much better films like Boogie Nights and The Last Days of Disco, and tried to make a biopic about New York’s notorious Studio 54. The film was unruly and overstuffed, and Myers was in way over his head. Apparently Mark Ruffalo was in this movie…I could tell you who he played, but then I’d have to watch it again.
Bridge of Spies (Amblin Entertainment, Steven Speilberg, 2015)
Every year, the Academy nominates one actor with almost no filmography. While stage legend Rylance is no Quvenzhane Wallis, he certainly doesn’t have many films to pick from, so we’ll simply go with the one he’s nominated for…a perfectly serviceable Spielberg/Tom Hanks history lesson that very few people saw.
Stop or My Mom Will Shoot (Universal Pictures, Roger Spottiswoode, 1992)
Did you remember that Sylvester Stallone made an alleged comedy with Estelle Getty of The Golden Girls fame in which he is a hotshot cop and she is his adorable mother who keeps getting in the way? You do now.