The 5 Funniest 2015 Commencement Speakers
At commencement ceremonies, every speaker gets to be a comedian, even comedians. The competition was tough, but at least two of the best lines compiled by The Washington Post, came from politicians.
“I stand here humbled, gracious and completely naked under this robe.”
--Maya Rudolph, Tulane University
“The UVA community has some experience with being defined by outsiders. It has been said that a rolling stone gathers no moss. I would add that sometimes a rolling stone also gathers no verifiable facts or even the tiniest morsels of journalistic integrity.”
--Ed Helms, University of Virginia
“Tisch graduates, you made it. And you’re f----ed. The graduates from the College of Nursing, they all have jobs. The graduates from the College of Dentistry, fully employed. The Leonard N. Stern School of Business graduates, they’re covered. The School of Medicine graduates, each one will get a job. The proud graduates of the NYU School of Law, they’re covered. And if they’re not, who cares? They’re lawyers.”
--Robert DeNiro, Tisch School of the Arts, New York University
…[Yale was] one touchdown away from beating Harvard this year for the first time since 2006. So close to something you’ve wanted for eight years. I can only imagine how you feel. I can only imagine.”
--Vice President Joe Biden, Yale University
Those of you who are graduating this afternoon with high honors, awards and distinction, I say, ‘Well done.’ And as I like to tell the C students, ‘You, too, can be president.’”
--former President George W. Bush, Southern Methodist University
Small Business Owners Say They’re Raising Worker Pay
A record percentage of small business owners say they are raising pay for their workers, according to the latest monthly jobs report from the National Federation of Independent Business, based on a survey of 10,000 of the group’s members. A seasonally adjusted net 35 percent of small businesses say they are increasing compensation. “They are increasing compensation at record levels and are continuing to hire,” NFIB President and CEO Juanita Duggan said in a statement accompanying the report. “Post tax reform, concerns about taxes and regulations are taking a backseat to their worries over filling open positions and finding qualified candidates.”
The US Is Running Short on More Than 200 Drugs
The U.S. is officially running short on 202 drugs, including some medical staples like epinephrine, morphine and saline solution. “The medications most vulnerable to running short have a few things in common: They are generic, high-volume, and low-margin for their makers—not the cutting-edge specialty drugs that pad pharmaceutical companies’ bottom lines,” Fortune’s Erika Fry reports. “Companies have little incentive to make the workhorse drugs we use most.” And much of the problem — “The situation is an emergency waiting to be a disaster,” one pharmacist says — can be tied to one company: Pfizer. Read the full story here.
Chart of the Day: Could You Handle a Sudden $400 Expense?
More Americans say they are living comfortably or at least “doing okay” financially, according to the Federal Reserve’s Report on the Economic Well-Being of U.S. Households in 2017. At the same time, four in 10 adults say that, if faced with an unexpected expense of $400, they would not be able to cover it or would cover it by selling something or borrowing money. That represents an improvement from 2013, when half of all adults said they would have trouble handling such an expense, but suggests that many Americans are still close to the edge when it comes to their personal finances.
Kevin Brady Introduces Welfare Reform Bill
The Tax Policy Center’s Daily Deduction reports that Rep. Kevin Brady (R-TX), chair of the House Ways and Means Committee on Friday introduced The Jobs and Opportunity with Benefits and Services (JOBS) for Success Act (H.R. 5861). “The bill would rename the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) program and target benefits to the lowest-income households. Although the House GOP leadership promised to include an expansion of the Earned Income Tax Credit as part of an upcoming welfare reform bill, this measure does not appear to include any EITC provisions.” The committee will mark up the bill on Wednesday.